*THE NEXT 60-90 DAYS IS GOING TO BE QUITE A RIDE!*
The following is a check list, if you will, of what we have going on/need to get accomplished in the very near future.
1. Ava will be coming home with a CPAP machine to help her breathe (not long term but definately a part of our lives for awhile) and this machine is only provided by ONE medical supply company - Apria Healthcare. Since Apria has had a rush of requests for these machines in recent weeks, they are on back order. We SHOULD get her CPAP machine in any day. Once it arrives, Apria has to: (1) Train Myself, Kenny and Ava's nurses on how to use the machine and (2) Make sure that our home's electrical system is sufficient to run it (shouldn't be a problem since we have a newer home)
2. Since Ava's new tracheostomy and CPAP machine will require extra vigilance, we have been approved for additional in-home nursing for her. It was a little challenging to find the nurse we have due to our location being slightly in the boonies, so we really need prayer that we will find a great night shift nurse that meshes well with our family.
3. Moving update. As of right now, we still have to be out of our house in approx 60-90 days. (Unless we experience divine intervention of course *smile*) I've tried not to be stressed about this, but I've struggled. I also lost my company car, so Kenny and I are selling off stuff we don't need in order to get his truck running and put money away for our inevitable move. I want to thank EVERYONE who has called me and gave me info on homes for sale/lease/rent. I have followed up on all these leads and am just waiting for the right place to present itself.
4. Aohdan. With everything going on with Ava, I feel like sometimes our sweet little boy gets pushed to the side (figure of speech of course). Aohdan has done really well though, because of our crazy schedule, he has had little behavorial things surface, not bad. I just ask that everyone pray for his little mind to remain peaceful and that understanding be with him as he goes through this trial with us.
5. I know 100% that this is just a tough season we are going through! And we will get through it! I will not lie, I have days where I crack under the pressure and just feel like disappearing or running away. I wonder WHY US!? Guess that's just being human. I (or Kenny) have to remind myself that it's okay to feel that way, just not remain in that state. I feel often times that I am being pulled in 10,000 different directions...Being a mom to a special needs child with a complex daily routine....trying to spend as much time as possible with Ava at the hospital...and now the staff is requiring us to 'train' every other day on all of her care...Being a mom to and spending time with our 'almost' 3yo son who wants his mommy to play and read to him oh, and did I mention potty training??...trying to work at Germain... Driving between Newark & Downtown Columbus dealing with social security....job and family services....restarting her therapy services... somewhere in there I am diligently trying to go to the gym 2x a week just so I can work off some frustrations....Trying to deal with our not-so-pretty financial situation...Oh yeah, and try to find time to be a wife and spend time with my husband???
It is amazing that most days I feel a sense of peace fill my spirit and I know it can only be God. There have been days where I feel so low and all the sudden I feel a sense of warmth, like two giant arms are wrapping themselves around me. Jesus? I ask Him all the time, "Now? It is over yet? Have we done your Will? Have we made you proud?" I know that no one else could comfort me so much in the midst of such turmoil. There are days when I find myself reaching for my Zanax and just holding the bottle in my hand, with tears running down my face and praying that my heart will stop racing and the panicky feelings will go away so that I do not have to take a pill. I know I am only human, and I know it is no disgrace to take medication if necessary, and I have taken them, but I try to pray and ask Jesus to quiet my mind first.
I do not want anyone to misconstrue this journal entry as I am sinking into a pit of depression...on the contrary actually. I want everyone to know that we have been ok but...we do still continue to ask for your prayers. We know that the ONLY reason we have gotten this far is because of those prayers! I feel as if Kenny and I are being led out of the life we used to lead, and I do not have any idea what God has in store for our lives....but it must be pretty special. I remember, when I was a teenager, my friend Kelly and I used to ride our horses all over the trails where I used to live. The woods were pretty thick in places. We had discovered some really neat places back in those woods that no one else knew about, and a lot of times the only way to get to them was through patches of thick briars. I remember sometimes we would try our best to pull our legs up onto our horses backs, but the briars still scratched us and many times we'd come home with bleeding scratches. But it was worth it because the place was so beautiful. I think that this season of life that we're in is kinda like riding our horses through those briar bushes. I'm just a waitin to see the end, because I know it's gonna be beautiful!
The following is a check list, if you will, of what we have going on/need to get accomplished in the very near future.
1. Ava will be coming home with a CPAP machine to help her breathe (not long term but definately a part of our lives for awhile) and this machine is only provided by ONE medical supply company - Apria Healthcare. Since Apria has had a rush of requests for these machines in recent weeks, they are on back order. We SHOULD get her CPAP machine in any day. Once it arrives, Apria has to: (1) Train Myself, Kenny and Ava's nurses on how to use the machine and (2) Make sure that our home's electrical system is sufficient to run it (shouldn't be a problem since we have a newer home)
2. Since Ava's new tracheostomy and CPAP machine will require extra vigilance, we have been approved for additional in-home nursing for her. It was a little challenging to find the nurse we have due to our location being slightly in the boonies, so we really need prayer that we will find a great night shift nurse that meshes well with our family.
3. Moving update. As of right now, we still have to be out of our house in approx 60-90 days. (Unless we experience divine intervention of course *smile*) I've tried not to be stressed about this, but I've struggled. I also lost my company car, so Kenny and I are selling off stuff we don't need in order to get his truck running and put money away for our inevitable move. I want to thank EVERYONE who has called me and gave me info on homes for sale/lease/rent. I have followed up on all these leads and am just waiting for the right place to present itself.
4. Aohdan. With everything going on with Ava, I feel like sometimes our sweet little boy gets pushed to the side (figure of speech of course). Aohdan has done really well though, because of our crazy schedule, he has had little behavorial things surface, not bad. I just ask that everyone pray for his little mind to remain peaceful and that understanding be with him as he goes through this trial with us.
5. I know 100% that this is just a tough season we are going through! And we will get through it! I will not lie, I have days where I crack under the pressure and just feel like disappearing or running away. I wonder WHY US!? Guess that's just being human. I (or Kenny) have to remind myself that it's okay to feel that way, just not remain in that state. I feel often times that I am being pulled in 10,000 different directions...Being a mom to a special needs child with a complex daily routine....trying to spend as much time as possible with Ava at the hospital...and now the staff is requiring us to 'train' every other day on all of her care...Being a mom to and spending time with our 'almost' 3yo son who wants his mommy to play and read to him oh, and did I mention potty training??...trying to work at Germain... Driving between Newark & Downtown Columbus dealing with social security....job and family services....restarting her therapy services... somewhere in there I am diligently trying to go to the gym 2x a week just so I can work off some frustrations....Trying to deal with our not-so-pretty financial situation...Oh yeah, and try to find time to be a wife and spend time with my husband???
It is amazing that most days I feel a sense of peace fill my spirit and I know it can only be God. There have been days where I feel so low and all the sudden I feel a sense of warmth, like two giant arms are wrapping themselves around me. Jesus? I ask Him all the time, "Now? It is over yet? Have we done your Will? Have we made you proud?" I know that no one else could comfort me so much in the midst of such turmoil. There are days when I find myself reaching for my Zanax and just holding the bottle in my hand, with tears running down my face and praying that my heart will stop racing and the panicky feelings will go away so that I do not have to take a pill. I know I am only human, and I know it is no disgrace to take medication if necessary, and I have taken them, but I try to pray and ask Jesus to quiet my mind first.
I do not want anyone to misconstrue this journal entry as I am sinking into a pit of depression...on the contrary actually. I want everyone to know that we have been ok but...we do still continue to ask for your prayers. We know that the ONLY reason we have gotten this far is because of those prayers! I feel as if Kenny and I are being led out of the life we used to lead, and I do not have any idea what God has in store for our lives....but it must be pretty special. I remember, when I was a teenager, my friend Kelly and I used to ride our horses all over the trails where I used to live. The woods were pretty thick in places. We had discovered some really neat places back in those woods that no one else knew about, and a lot of times the only way to get to them was through patches of thick briars. I remember sometimes we would try our best to pull our legs up onto our horses backs, but the briars still scratched us and many times we'd come home with bleeding scratches. But it was worth it because the place was so beautiful. I think that this season of life that we're in is kinda like riding our horses through those briar bushes. I'm just a waitin to see the end, because I know it's gonna be beautiful!
No comments:
Post a Comment