I've always considered myself a pretty healthy person, but it seems over the past few years my system is less resilient than it once was. I know that stress can weaken a person's system and allow things to happen. I just feel sometimes like I can't quite catch my breath enough to stop and really take care of ME. Ahhh... And in this case it happens to be mental stress and worry. After Aohdan's diagnosis I started to feel overwhelmed with all the things that needed done for him, school, possibly transporting him to Dublin every day, cooking all his food. And sure enough, on Wednesday of this week I got sick. Like laying around on the couch all day sick. Then today I'm sitting at my brother's office and started feeling clammy and shaky like low blood sugar type symptoms. And it didn't really go away until I got outside and walked around in the fresh air. I HATE HATE HATE feeling unhealthy, like my system is weak.
I broke down crying earlier this week when I felt myself getting sick, I told Kenny "I cannot afford to get sick! This family needs a healthy mom!" He just looked at me and shook his head and asssured me that it was 'okay' if I got sick. In my own little perfect world, I would like to only handle one bad thing at a time. Can I order that up God? Ahhh...I really miss my mom. It just seems like everything hits at once ya know? I get done with school, and then we're hit with Aohdan's diagnosis, medicaid trying to cut corners, and then my body decides to protest. RRRrrrr!!! Ok did I mention I need a beach? On top of all this, I've been desparately trying to lose 30lbs. I gained 30 lbs with Ava's pregnancy, then lost it, then gained it all back again. Really? And I have definitely figured out that stress does not have a good effect on my eating habits OR my ability to lose weight. Besides WANTING to lose weight, it does not help any health issues I have right now. Oh, did I mention I was diagnosed with GERD last week too?
So I really need to catch a break. I need to be healthy, I WANT to be healthy, to have the strength to fight the battles ahead with my kids and life in general. I feel like these last few years have really aged me. I used to take more pride in my appearance, now sometimes I got out in public in outfits that would make a teenager cringe. Sometimes I feel like I run so much that there is no time for doing my hair, or shaving, or make-up,,what is that? I remember one day last week I out on lip gloss, mascara, and actually combed my hair. Our nurse looks at me and goes, "Awwww you look sooo pretty!" It's because I NEVER get dolled up anymore! By the way if whining bothers you, you should probably visit another blog. Cuz I'm in a whining kinda mood tonight. I feel fat, tired, old, and I wish I had healthy kids. Ok pity party over...lol.
Lord please send some favor my way. Show me what to do. I pray Your hand guide me in all things. Thank you Lord.
I broke down crying earlier this week when I felt myself getting sick, I told Kenny "I cannot afford to get sick! This family needs a healthy mom!" He just looked at me and shook his head and asssured me that it was 'okay' if I got sick. In my own little perfect world, I would like to only handle one bad thing at a time. Can I order that up God? Ahhh...I really miss my mom. It just seems like everything hits at once ya know? I get done with school, and then we're hit with Aohdan's diagnosis, medicaid trying to cut corners, and then my body decides to protest. RRRrrrr!!! Ok did I mention I need a beach? On top of all this, I've been desparately trying to lose 30lbs. I gained 30 lbs with Ava's pregnancy, then lost it, then gained it all back again. Really? And I have definitely figured out that stress does not have a good effect on my eating habits OR my ability to lose weight. Besides WANTING to lose weight, it does not help any health issues I have right now. Oh, did I mention I was diagnosed with GERD last week too?
So I really need to catch a break. I need to be healthy, I WANT to be healthy, to have the strength to fight the battles ahead with my kids and life in general. I feel like these last few years have really aged me. I used to take more pride in my appearance, now sometimes I got out in public in outfits that would make a teenager cringe. Sometimes I feel like I run so much that there is no time for doing my hair, or shaving, or make-up,,what is that? I remember one day last week I out on lip gloss, mascara, and actually combed my hair. Our nurse looks at me and goes, "Awwww you look sooo pretty!" It's because I NEVER get dolled up anymore! By the way if whining bothers you, you should probably visit another blog. Cuz I'm in a whining kinda mood tonight. I feel fat, tired, old, and I wish I had healthy kids. Ok pity party over...lol.
Lord please send some favor my way. Show me what to do. I pray Your hand guide me in all things. Thank you Lord.
2 comments:
I love the honesty! Jesus knew we were going to struggle in this life and it brings me peace to read 2 Corinthians 12:9-11
New International Version (NIV)
9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. I hope it brings you peace too
Praying for you and yours,
Tammy
testing
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