**JUST A LITTLE DISHEARTENED**
Yesterday Ava's nurse called me from Children's and said she had some 'milky looking' stuff coming from her nose and they suspect she *might* still be refluxing even after the surgery. I really had my hopes up that we were going to be bringing home a healthy baby this week. I'm not saying we're not, only being cautious. They are going to do an upper GI to see if she is, in fact, refluxing. Once that is done we'll know what the next step will be. As a mom, it is just really hard for me to see her like this day after day. Last night I just held her and sobbed. I think about how glorious a day it will be when we can bring her home healthy! I've been struggling a little lately with feelings of depression over the situation, feeling like we're never going to see the light at the end of the tunnel (though I know we will) and feeling anxious and frustrated. I know that the Word says God's plan is to prosper us and not to harm us and to give us a future and a hope. I have to repeat that over in my head sometimes. I know that when we are at our lowest that is when God is there holding us up. I just picture this big, beautiful, cupped hand with Ava laying safe in the middle of it. I know He's got her, but it is still hard
Yesterday Ava's nurse called me from Children's and said she had some 'milky looking' stuff coming from her nose and they suspect she *might* still be refluxing even after the surgery. I really had my hopes up that we were going to be bringing home a healthy baby this week. I'm not saying we're not, only being cautious. They are going to do an upper GI to see if she is, in fact, refluxing. Once that is done we'll know what the next step will be. As a mom, it is just really hard for me to see her like this day after day. Last night I just held her and sobbed. I think about how glorious a day it will be when we can bring her home healthy! I've been struggling a little lately with feelings of depression over the situation, feeling like we're never going to see the light at the end of the tunnel (though I know we will) and feeling anxious and frustrated. I know that the Word says God's plan is to prosper us and not to harm us and to give us a future and a hope. I have to repeat that over in my head sometimes. I know that when we are at our lowest that is when God is there holding us up. I just picture this big, beautiful, cupped hand with Ava laying safe in the middle of it. I know He's got her, but it is still hard
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