Since Anghus has been born I have relished every second with him. Not that I love him any more or less than Aohdan or Ava..it's just different this time around. After Fergus was born I took the typical 12 week maternity leave, and then went back to my job with Toyota and left him with a baby sitter 40-50 hours a week. I didn't give it a second thought. Life was just busy back then, well life is busy now...let's call it a different kind of busy. Then Ainslee came along and, well, life changed. I knew that I mourned the loss of the newborn phase with her, it's just taken me a long time to realize just how MUCH it changed me.
After Ainslee was born I really didn't think we'd have another baby. I just didn't see it happening for me...for us. So when I got pregnant last year I was absolutely elated. And on June 9 we were blessed with the sweetest gift God could ever bless us with. A Healthy baby. Man...I never realized just how much people take for granted having a healthy child. I remember during my pregnancy people would ask me, "So. Do you want a boy or girl?". I always answered, "A healthy baby. Really. I do not care as long as he or she is Healthy.".
When Anghus was delivered, at the very end I experienced a shoulder dystopia..meaning his shoulder got stuck under my pubic bone. That was the longest. 90 seconds. Of. My. Life. During that time I felt taken back to Ainslee's birth for a brief second. But the midwife freed him and laid him on my belly. A healthy baby. And aside from the first 6 weeks or so, he has been an absolute doll! He just is soooo sweet. He smiles all the time, giggles at everything. And just lights up a room. He absolutely turns me to mush. I feel guilty sometimes, because I think, "Am I enjoying him too much?" But how can you enjoy a baby too much right? I guess because sometimes I get wore down dealing with other, more difficult, things that he just calms me.
So on to my neurotic behavior. Sometimes when I hear about sad things, I take ownership of it. For example, I heard about a local mother and her 11 month old baby boy dying in a fatal car accident. I just the grief as if she were a family member. Another time I heard about a mother who was in hospice care and had 3 children at home-the youngest was 5 months. Ahhh..I hear about those things and look into the eyes of my kids and cannot imagine leaving them. I have actually ended up in the shower crying...because that is what I do, I cry in the shower.
Tonight I was giving the baby a bath in the sink, and he was just so cute. He little fingers busily searching the perimeter of the sink for something to chew on while scratching his butt with the other hand. Yes, he is a butt scratcher. Even THAT is cute though! But as I wrapped him up in a towel and dried him off, I just got lost in his innocence. I laid him on the couch and let him have his typical after-bath nakey time, and soaked in his giggles, his smiles, his little baby yells--all of it. Then it hit me again, "Gosh I could not imagine missing out on this," and then of course the thoughts of, "how could someone hurt a child?". And I found myself getting tears-eyed AGAIN. Haha. I have become a softy, and I cry over everything. I often joke that the older I get, the more like my mother I become. But I had a great mom, so if I become like her, I won't complain:-)
So does anyone find themselves looking into the eyes of their child and turning into a big, blubbering pile of mush? Please tell me I'm not the only one.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
After Ainslee was born I really didn't think we'd have another baby. I just didn't see it happening for me...for us. So when I got pregnant last year I was absolutely elated. And on June 9 we were blessed with the sweetest gift God could ever bless us with. A Healthy baby. Man...I never realized just how much people take for granted having a healthy child. I remember during my pregnancy people would ask me, "So. Do you want a boy or girl?". I always answered, "A healthy baby. Really. I do not care as long as he or she is Healthy.".
When Anghus was delivered, at the very end I experienced a shoulder dystopia..meaning his shoulder got stuck under my pubic bone. That was the longest. 90 seconds. Of. My. Life. During that time I felt taken back to Ainslee's birth for a brief second. But the midwife freed him and laid him on my belly. A healthy baby. And aside from the first 6 weeks or so, he has been an absolute doll! He just is soooo sweet. He smiles all the time, giggles at everything. And just lights up a room. He absolutely turns me to mush. I feel guilty sometimes, because I think, "Am I enjoying him too much?" But how can you enjoy a baby too much right? I guess because sometimes I get wore down dealing with other, more difficult, things that he just calms me.
So on to my neurotic behavior. Sometimes when I hear about sad things, I take ownership of it. For example, I heard about a local mother and her 11 month old baby boy dying in a fatal car accident. I just the grief as if she were a family member. Another time I heard about a mother who was in hospice care and had 3 children at home-the youngest was 5 months. Ahhh..I hear about those things and look into the eyes of my kids and cannot imagine leaving them. I have actually ended up in the shower crying...because that is what I do, I cry in the shower.
Tonight I was giving the baby a bath in the sink, and he was just so cute. He little fingers busily searching the perimeter of the sink for something to chew on while scratching his butt with the other hand. Yes, he is a butt scratcher. Even THAT is cute though! But as I wrapped him up in a towel and dried him off, I just got lost in his innocence. I laid him on the couch and let him have his typical after-bath nakey time, and soaked in his giggles, his smiles, his little baby yells--all of it. Then it hit me again, "Gosh I could not imagine missing out on this," and then of course the thoughts of, "how could someone hurt a child?". And I found myself getting tears-eyed AGAIN. Haha. I have become a softy, and I cry over everything. I often joke that the older I get, the more like my mother I become. But I had a great mom, so if I become like her, I won't complain:-)
So does anyone find themselves looking into the eyes of their child and turning into a big, blubbering pile of mush? Please tell me I'm not the only one.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
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