One of the hardest things for me is that, often, Aohdan just doesn't seem happy. He yells, wines, cries, you name it. And he repeats back the things he has heard Kenny and I say to him. It is like pouring salt on an open wound to hear your child say to you, "Mommy!! I said QUIT I'm NOT going to tell you again!! Now knock it off!!" It is like everytime I lose my temper, he is like a tape recorder that remembers EVERYTHING I say. And then guess what happens? I sink into the 'I'm a horrible mother' pit of despair. Aohdan is not an easy child to parent, but I love him with all my heart. We try our best to not spank him, but occasionally he does get a swat on the behind. And I do mean occasionally. Like once a month. But to hear how he carries on in public, you would think he was beaten daily. I mean it is hard. This is an example of what happens.
I take him to the local Denny's as a treat, I'm trying to do something nice right? I mean we've taken away wheat, dairy, artificial food dyes, and so much other stuff, that I do everything I can to make him happy. So we get a seat at the local Denny's, oh and we have to sit in this one particular booth and he has to sit on the same side every time or he is not happy. So we settle into our favorite booth and he decides that he wants his chocolate milk BEFORE he eats. SO I tell him "No" that he has to eat first. So immediately he is in a bad mood. Then the waitress comes to take our order and looks at Aohdan, who is now extremely winey and complaining, and says, "Hi Aohdan how are you today?" To which he responds by yelling at the top of his lungs "Don't look at me! I said No! I'm NOT gonna tell you AGAIN!" By now most people in the restaurant have glanced in our direction. So I tell the waitress to come back in a few minutes. At this point Aohdan is still talking loud and making a scene. That's it. We're taking a trip to the bathroom.
I don't say a word, I simply get up and quietly take his hand. At which point he starts SCREAMING all the way to the bathroom, "NO MOMMY! DON'T HIT ME! DON'T SPANK ME MOMMY!! PLEEEEASSSSE! DON'T HIT ME!!!"
I am mortified. I can just feel peoples' eyes piercing the back of my head as I continue walking to the bathroom with a screaming child thats acts as if he is getting beaten. It is a feeling I cannot quite put into words. You see men place a lot of their self-worth on how well they provide for their families. Women, well we place our self worth on our children. And when you have a child that acts miserable a lot of the time, it is really hard to feel good about yourself.
So we get to the bathroom and I get down on one knee and look at Aohdan sternly. See as soon as we get to the bathroom he quits crying. Because it's just him and I, there is no one in the bathroom to put on a show for. That;s how I feel about it anyway. So I tell him in a stern voice that he needs to straighten up and be nice or we are going home. And he is good the rest of the visit. But on the way back to our seat we have to walk by the same people again. Who by now are probably looking at me with disgust because they assume I took my child to the bathroom to beat him. I wipe away a tear on my way back to our table. What started out to be an enjoyable Mother/Son trip to Denny's has ended up being, yet another, episode of yelling and screaming.
Now I know kids who are NOT autistic who have done these types of things. I have a friend who's son has ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) and she has quit taking him out in public because of the outbursts. So I know that it's not just parents of autistic kids who deal with this...a LOT of parents feel my pain.
So next time you see a child have a melt down in public, and you see the mother or father lose their cool, try to set aside any judgement. For all you know that mom could have been listening to that child yell at her for the past several hours, or several days, and unless you've dealt with that....you have no idea what it's like.
I love my child with all my heart. So let's take a minute of prayer right now for all the mom's who are dealing with hard-to-parent kids.
Love you all and God Bless!
Vicki
I take him to the local Denny's as a treat, I'm trying to do something nice right? I mean we've taken away wheat, dairy, artificial food dyes, and so much other stuff, that I do everything I can to make him happy. So we get a seat at the local Denny's, oh and we have to sit in this one particular booth and he has to sit on the same side every time or he is not happy. So we settle into our favorite booth and he decides that he wants his chocolate milk BEFORE he eats. SO I tell him "No" that he has to eat first. So immediately he is in a bad mood. Then the waitress comes to take our order and looks at Aohdan, who is now extremely winey and complaining, and says, "Hi Aohdan how are you today?" To which he responds by yelling at the top of his lungs "Don't look at me! I said No! I'm NOT gonna tell you AGAIN!" By now most people in the restaurant have glanced in our direction. So I tell the waitress to come back in a few minutes. At this point Aohdan is still talking loud and making a scene. That's it. We're taking a trip to the bathroom.
I don't say a word, I simply get up and quietly take his hand. At which point he starts SCREAMING all the way to the bathroom, "NO MOMMY! DON'T HIT ME! DON'T SPANK ME MOMMY!! PLEEEEASSSSE! DON'T HIT ME!!!"
I am mortified. I can just feel peoples' eyes piercing the back of my head as I continue walking to the bathroom with a screaming child thats acts as if he is getting beaten. It is a feeling I cannot quite put into words. You see men place a lot of their self-worth on how well they provide for their families. Women, well we place our self worth on our children. And when you have a child that acts miserable a lot of the time, it is really hard to feel good about yourself.
So we get to the bathroom and I get down on one knee and look at Aohdan sternly. See as soon as we get to the bathroom he quits crying. Because it's just him and I, there is no one in the bathroom to put on a show for. That;s how I feel about it anyway. So I tell him in a stern voice that he needs to straighten up and be nice or we are going home. And he is good the rest of the visit. But on the way back to our seat we have to walk by the same people again. Who by now are probably looking at me with disgust because they assume I took my child to the bathroom to beat him. I wipe away a tear on my way back to our table. What started out to be an enjoyable Mother/Son trip to Denny's has ended up being, yet another, episode of yelling and screaming.
Now I know kids who are NOT autistic who have done these types of things. I have a friend who's son has ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) and she has quit taking him out in public because of the outbursts. So I know that it's not just parents of autistic kids who deal with this...a LOT of parents feel my pain.
So next time you see a child have a melt down in public, and you see the mother or father lose their cool, try to set aside any judgement. For all you know that mom could have been listening to that child yell at her for the past several hours, or several days, and unless you've dealt with that....you have no idea what it's like.
I love my child with all my heart. So let's take a minute of prayer right now for all the mom's who are dealing with hard-to-parent kids.
Love you all and God Bless!
Vicki
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